The Theology of Handfasting: Living in Betrothal Time
A Christarchy: The Way Position Paper
The Theology of Handfasting: Living in Betrothal Time
A Christarchy: The Way Position Paper
Introduction: We Are the Betrothed
The ekklesia—the called-out ones who follow Jesus—live in a unique moment in redemptive history. We are the Bride of Christ, betrothed but not yet united with our Groom. The wedding feast awaits us (Revelation 19:7-9), but we remain in the preparation period, the time between covenant and consummation.
This is not incidental information. This is our present reality, and it shapes how we should understand human marriage.
If God’s own Bride needs a preparation period, how much more do human couples?
The Biblical Reality: One Betrothal, Still Continuing
Scripture reveals one continuous betrothal between God and His people:
Begun with Israel at Sinai, where YHWH established covenant as a husband betroths a bride.
Broken through unfaithfulness, as Israel repeatedly violated the covenant (prompting the prophets to use adultery language—Hosea, Jeremiah, Ezekiel).
Renewed through Jesus (YHWH incarnate), who came to restore what was broken and expand the covenant to include all who respond in faith—Jew and Gentile grafted into the same olive tree.
Continuing now as we await the return of Christ and the wedding feast.
To be consummated when the Bride enters the Groom’s household forever.
We are living in betrothal time. This is the period of preparation, purification, and commitment before the final union.
What Betrothal Requires: Preparation
Jesus taught His disciples that this preparation period is serious business. We cannot simply drift toward the wedding day unprepared:
The Parable of the Ten Virgins (Matthew 25:1-13)
Ten virgins waited for the bridegroom. Five were wise and brought extra oil for their lamps. Five were foolish and brought none. When the bridegroom delayed, all fell asleep. At midnight the cry went out: “Here’s the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!”
The wise virgins trimmed their lamps and went out with oil burning bright. The foolish discovered their lamps were going out and scrambled to find oil. But it was too late. The door was shut. They were unprepared.
The lesson: During betrothal time, preparation is not optional. You must have oil. You must be ready. You must be watchful.
The Parable of the Wedding Feast (Matthew 22:1-14)
A king prepared a wedding feast for his son. Many were invited but made excuses. Finally, the invitation went out broadly, and the hall filled with guests. But one man came without wedding clothes—unprepared, presumptuous, assuming entry without meeting the requirement.
He was cast out.
The lesson: You cannot show up to the wedding unprepared. Even if you’re invited, even if you arrive, you must have done the work of preparation. You must have your wedding garments ready.
The Command to Be Ready
“Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour” (Matthew 25:13).
“Stay dressed for action and keep your lamps burning” (Luke 12:35).
We are commanded to prepare, to watch, to stay ready. The betrothal period is not casual—it is a time of intentional preparation for the life that is coming.
The Model of Covenant Love: God Walking Alone
When we speak of marriage, we must understand what covenant means. The biblical model is found in Genesis 15, when YHWH made covenant with Abram:
Animals were slaughtered and cut in half. The pieces were laid out forming a path. In ancient covenant-making, both parties would walk between the pieces, essentially saying, “May what happened to these animals happen to me if I break this covenant.”
But in Genesis 15:12-17, something remarkable happens: God causes Abram to fall into a deep sleep. Then YHWH alone—appearing as a smoking firepot and blazing torch—passes between the pieces.
God bound Himself to the covenant unilaterally.
Abram made no walk. Abram bore no risk. The entire weight of covenant-keeping rested on God’s faithfulness alone.
This is the ultimate picture of covenant love: taking the burden entirely on yourself, binding yourself to another’s good regardless of their performance.
Jesus Perfects This Model
“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13).
Jesus didn’t just walk between the pieces—He became the sacrifice. He took the full weight of covenant-keeping on Himself. He died so the Bride could live. He remained faithful even when the Bride was faithless.
This is what binding yourself to another person means.
When you enter covenant—whether with God or with another person—you are saying: “I will carry the weight of this commitment. I will be faithful even if you falter. I will seek your good above my own. I will bind myself to you.”
Why Handfasting: Restoring Preparation to Marriage
Modern culture has lost the concept of betrothal. We have collapsed everything into a single moment:
Legal contract with the state
Religious ceremony before God
Cultural celebration with community
Entry into shared household
All of this happens in one day, often with minimal preparation beyond venue selection and guest lists.
The result: marriages that are structurally weak, unprepared couples, unclear expectations, and institutional failure.
The state cannot fix this—it can only manage legal contracts. The institutional church has largely failed by either abandoning biblical standards entirely or weaponizing them without offering genuine preparation and support.
Handfasting restores what has been lost: a recognized, witnessed, covenant-based preparation period before marriage.
What Handfasting Offers
Handfasting—rooted in both Celtic and Hebrew betrothal traditions—provides:
1. Public Witness and Commitment
A formal ceremony where the couple publicly declares their intention to bind themselves together. The community witnesses, supports, and holds them accountable.
2. The Binding
The physical act of tying cords around joined hands—literally “tying the knot”—symbolizes the covenant bond being formed. This is not casual dating. This is serious commitment.
3. Covenant Education
Teaching couples what covenant actually means:
Not a contract (mutual exchange based on performance)
But a covenant (unilateral commitment to the other’s good)
Modeled on God’s covenant with Abraham and Christ’s covenant with the Church
4. Preparation Time (Flexible)
The traditional “year and a day” provides space for:
Working through the covenant agreement (finances, children, household, conflict resolution)
Learning to live sacrificially for each other
Discovering incompatibilities before legal/permanent commitment
Building skills necessary for lifelong partnership
Gathering “oil” and preparing “wedding garments”
However, we recognize modern realities. The preparation period can be:
Traditional (one year)
Abbreviated (weeks or months)
Immediate (if couples choose civil marriage simultaneously)
Ongoing (using handfasting as the covenant framework for an existing relationship)
What matters is not the length but the seriousness of preparation.
5. Clarity of Purpose
Handfasting is betrothal, not matrimony. It is:
A preparation period, not the final wedding
A covenant commitment, distinct from legal contract
A witnessed agreement, not a private arrangement
An educational journey, not merely a ceremony
This clarity allows:
Couples to prepare properly without legal/permanent commitment
The state to handle civil contracts as it sees fit
Religious communities to define matrimony according to their theology
Everyone to participate with integrity
Handfasting for All: Covenant Love Without Discrimination
Because handfasting teaches covenant love modeled on God’s covenant, and because it is preparation rather than final matrimony, we offer it to any couple committed to learning what covenant means.
This includes:
Opposite-sex couples preparing for traditional marriage
Same-sex couples entering civil partnerships
Couples with past relationship failures seeking to do better
Interfaith couples creating shared covenant
Secular couples wanting structure and community witness
Couples from any background who value intentional preparation
We make no claims about whose relationships God ultimately approves—that is between individuals and God. What we offer is education in covenant love, structure for preparation, and community witness for commitment.
We teach the biblical model of covenant. We explain what Scripture says about marriage. We invite all couples to learn from God’s example of faithful, sacrificial, covenant love.
What they do with civil marriage is their business and the state’s concern. What they do with religious matrimony is between them, their faith community, and God.
But covenant education—learning to bind yourself to another’s good, to walk between the pieces, to carry oil and keep wedding garments ready—this we offer freely to all.
The Cultural Reclamation
Marriage as an institution has suffered from societal abuse and neglect. We are reclaiming betrothal for the culture:
Not to exclude, but to educate
Not to condemn, but to prepare
Not to weaponize Scripture, but to teach covenant love
Not to serve only the religiously pure, but to offer wisdom to all
If critics call this bigotry, we respond: “We offer the same education, the same ceremony, the same covenant framework to everyone who desires it. We don’t police private lives. We teach preparation, commitment, and sacrificial love. If that’s bigotry, then charge God with bigotry for requiring preparation before the wedding feast.”
The Call to Celebrants
Those who would officiate handfasting ceremonies must understand: you are not merely performing weddings. You are:
Teaching covenant theology
Guiding couples through preparation
Modeling Christ’s love for the Church
Restoring cultural practices that strengthen society
Serving all couples with dignity while maintaining theological integrity
This requires:
Deep understanding of biblical betrothal
Knowledge of Celtic and Hebrew traditions
Skills in covenant education and counseling
Commitment to serving diverse couples
Clarity about what you’re offering (and not offering)
Conclusion: Marriage Reflects the Greater Reality
We live in betrothal time. Christ has bound Himself to us. He is preparing us. He is watching and waiting. He will return for His Bride.
Our human marriages should reflect this reality:
Serious preparation before permanent commitment
Covenant love that mirrors God’s faithfulness
Community witness and support
Clear agreements and mutual understanding
The gathering of oil and readying of wedding garments
Handfasting restores this understanding. It offers structure, education, and covenant framework to any couple willing to learn what binding yourself to another truly means.
We are not the state—we do not issue licenses.
We are not the final judge—we leave that to God.
We are educators, guides, and witnesses to covenant love.
And we believe covenant love, properly taught and seriously prepared for, strengthens not only individual relationships but the entire fabric of society.
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”I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion.” - YHWH (Hosea 2:19)
”Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready.” - Revelation 19:7